Have you ever heard a parent talk about their child’s “sleep regression”? Just nonchalantly say something like, “oh yeah, we went through a terrible four-month sleep regression,” or “just wait until that sleep regression.” It always seemed so casual. Thrown in conversation like it’s a standard of parenting that we all just suck it up and go through. Even the word itself, “regression,” doesn’t really encompass the truth of it. It doesn’t really show you how hard that shit hits you.
And let me tell you, regressions hit way differently when you have a screaming toddler the morning after your newborn woke up at 4 am because he felt like it. Shit gets real then. There’s nothing like finally getting back to sleep after your newborn woke up in the wee hours of the morning, only to be jolted awake by the sound of your toddler crying and standing in her crib at 6:30 am. And let’s be real, newborns are pretty easy when they’re awake (they just lay there…staring). Toddlers? Nah. Not at all. My daughter sometimes runs circles around the kitchen island, screaming to herself. A literal Tazmanian Devil. Keeping up with a toddler after barely having slept is a WHOLE different ball game.
On a regular day, a slept through the night kind of day, I feel like a super mama. YES, let’s color Aria. YES, let’s have a tea party. YES, let me chase you around the kitchen island until I collapse from exhaustion and you are barely out of breath.
Though in my son’s case, I’m not sure that you can call it a regression. Little man has taken his sweet ass time just making any kind of sleep progression, let alone be at a place to have a regression.
My children aren’t far apart at all. My daughter was 17 months old when my son was born. But shit, do you forget real quick how hard sleep deprivation is. I have photos of me sleeping on the couch with my daughter awake and staring at me on her infant pillow. Yet, Mother Nature is one crazy ass bitch. As soon as you have a kid, your brain goes through a process of deleting all terrible things that have happened. You find yourself using phrases like “it wasn’t that bad” or “I don’t remember it being like this.”
At first, it happens really slowly. You forget how hard being pregnant is because you’re so focused on postpartum recovery. Then you forget about postpartum recovery when your child still doesn’t sleep through the night. Then you forget about your child not sleeping through the night when you’re struggling with tantrums. It goes on and on and on. Then you find yourself back at the start of it all, thinking to yourself, “She was NEVER this bad.” Guess fucking again.
I had a hunch that this would happen. So I told myself I wouldn’t be fooled by Mother Nature’s shenanigans. I took notes. Copious amounts of notes. Thinking this would help me stay grounded and know exactly just how hard it is.
Think again, Sassa.
Nothing is more infuriating than reading that your daughter was sleeping 10 hours a night at just 9 weeks old (I know…miracle baby…didn’t know what I had at the time) while you hold your current 9-week-old son at 4:00 AM rocking him to sleep.
Guess that one bit me in the ass.
I guess I’ll just cope by continuing to take my rage-filled notes, while incredibly sleep-deprived in the middle of the night, on my son’s sleep “habits” or lack thereof. Because that’s clearly the cure…
Welcome to REAL parenthood: where sleep “regression” is code word sleep “ghosting”
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