If you’ve read my previous post, you know that parenthood is all about dealing with shit. Literally. Shit. Though my daughter is notorious for her poop crib painting (see the previous post here), my son has quite a different reputation. For the first few weeks of his life, my husband and I were genuinely concerned. Aria shit like five times a day, was there something wrong with Rio? Was my breastmilk not giving him the same immensely laxative properties that it did for Aria? We asked the doctor if it was normal to only poop once a day or once every other day. Doc tells us that unless they haven’t pooped for a week, there was no concern.
A WEEK?!
A FUCKING WEEK WITHOUT SHITTING?!
How could that be normal?! I anxiously started cataloging his shit. The time of day. Whether it was a shart or a full diaper of shit. The color. You name it. I kept a log of it all. He had gone almost two and a half days without shitting, and my husband and I were really starting to worry.
We tried stomach massages and bicycle kicks and switched his formula. Nothing.
My husband was feeding him a bottle on his lounging pillow (he was a heavy boy…born almost 10 pounds! Holding him to feed, with a toddler, became challenging). I was changing Aria’s diaper in her room.
“AHH! Sassa!!” Matt yells.
“Are you ok?!?!” I scream back.
“SASSA!!!!!”
I rushed to close Aria’s diaper and ran into the living room. My husband’s hands were covered in a greenish brown-colored shit. It was EVERYWHERE. On the pillow, on Matt’s hands, and all over Rio’s clothes. It was literally DRIPPING from Matt’s hands onto Rio and the pillow. As I looked closer, there was also spit-up dribbling down the side of Rio’s mouth. The shit is coming out of both ends. He was essentially a shit-ticking time bomb! Poop EVERYWHERE!
Rio looks at us both and smiles. I laughed because what the fuck else do you do? He was probably feeling so relieved. Finally, that shit was all out of him! No matter where the shit ended up, it was such literal weight gone!
Welcome to REAL parenthood: where shit explosions are a sense of parental relief
I have laughed out loud multiple times with this post…then I went to read your previous post and laughed so hard my husband needed to know what I was reading. We are parents to a 2-month old newborn and are figuring out the parenting ropes. Life is definitely all about shit! His question to me everyday after work isn’t “how was your day?”, no, it’s “did the baby poop today?” Keep writing!! I’m your fan!
Haha! So glad you got a good laugh! Happy shitting!