Become a parent, they say. It’ll be fun, they say. As I type this, my one-month-old just got to sleep, and my 18-month-old just woke from her nap. I maybe have time to write a sentence before tending to their requests. In the case of my daughter, demands. My husband and I joke that when she asks for something, she might as well add “peasant” to the end of it. “Clementine, peasant.” “All done, peasant!” “Ball, peasant!”
Now you might be doing some math in your head and thinking, “Well, she did it to herself. That’s two children under two.” Yes. Yes. We did it to ourselves. But make no mistake, parenthood of any sort is hard shit. (If you don’t like swearing, read a different blog). I’m not here to give any kind of parental advice. I’m just here to tell you that no matter what you do, how many books you’ve read, or courses you’ve taken, your toddler will still make you their bitch, and your newborn will still cry for no reason and refuse to sleep. You might even think to yourself, “Oh man, that parent is terrible,” or “My daughter is not at all like that”…guess fucking again.
Consider this blog a good friend who visits you whenever it fits your crazy schedule, and you drink wine or coffee and try to carry a coherent conversation while your child screams or demands attention in the background. Pick it up whenever you want; put it down mid-sentence; read it in the middle of the night as you’re rocking your newborn to sleep, only for them to wake up as soon as you put them down. I’m not offended if you never finish, and it just stays in your bookmarks or saves because parenthood is tough shit. You do you.
Welcome to REAL parenthood: the military brigade run by the obnoxious eighteen-month-old and newborn.
- Stubborn Babe
The newborn phase is tough. Sleepless nights; waking every three or so hours; operating in a haze of confusion and anger; hating my husband for not being able to bear and birth children (I mean come on…my body goes to… Read more: Stubborn Babe - Lovevery Play Subscription Kits
I get commissions for purchases made through links in this post. Mother’s day is upon us! Do you know of any expectant mothers? This is the perfect gift idea or registry item! I’m a teacher. That means I have the… Read more: <strong>Lovevery Play Subscription Kits</strong> - Poop Chronicles: Gifting Shit
When becoming a parent, you should’ve known that your role was synonymous with poop. If you didn’t, let this be your shitty wake-up call! If you’ve read one of my previous posts in this category, you already know… I have… Read more: <strong>Poop Chronicles: Gifting Shit </strong> - Picture Perfect
Ahh, the holiday season. Where you get beautiful photos with family and friends showing you how wonderful their children are shaping up to be. Spectacularly crafted cards that line your fridge, doorway, or maybe even a fancy card holder thingy… Read more: Picture Perfect - The Poop Chronicles II: Shit Eventually Happens
If you’ve read my previous post, you know that parenthood is all about dealing with shit. Literally. Shit. Though my daughter is notorious for her poop crib painting (see the previous post here), my son has quite a different reputation.… Read more: <strong>The Poop Chronicles II: Shit Eventually Happens </strong> - Sicky Bedtime
When your husband has to go into the office, and you have to bedtime by yourself, and they are both sick… Get dinner ready; Aria yelling because she’s hangry; Rio screams; hold Rio; don’t finish my dinner, Aria standing at… Read more: Sicky Bedtime - Sickland, Many
Being a pandemic mom honestly has a few perks. I got to be home the entire time I was pregnant with Aria for over a year. And we got to spend her first year of life essentially in a bubble.… Read more: <strong>Sickland, Many</strong> - From the Beginning…
It all started in January 2020. My husband and I were in Napa for New Year’s, and according to our timeline, we were planning on having a child that year (I know you’re out there thinking, “this lady is fucking… Read more: From the Beginning… - Regression without progression? A tale of a tired mama
Have you ever heard a parent talk about their child’s “sleep regression”? Just nonchalantly say something like, “oh yeah, we went through a terrible four-month sleep regression,” or “just wait until that sleep regression.” It always seemed so casual. Thrown… Read more: Regression without progression? A tale of a tired mama - Parental Torture
I get commissions for purchases made through links in this post. Did you ever wonder if parenthood is for you? Do you like action films? Then, see any torture scenes, delete the assailant, and add your friendly neighborhood toddler. My… Read more: Parental Torture - The Poop Chronicles I: Painting Shit
I feel like no one really told us the truth about parenting. None of the things I read and people I talked to told us what it’s all about: shit. I mean that, literally. Feces. Poop. Crap. Stool. Bowel movements.… Read more: The Poop Chronicles I: Painting Shit - An Hour in the Life of a Real Mama (stream of consciousness)
I finally get both babies on a schedule where they nap at the same time…give Aria lunch, keep Rio awake in the bouncer, change Rio’s diaper, put Rio down to sleep, change Arias’s diaper, put Aria down to sleep, think… Read more: An Hour in the Life of a Real Mama (stream of consciousness) - Welcome!
Become a parent, they say. It’ll be fun, they say. As I type this, my one-month-old just got to sleep, and my 18-month-old just woke from her nap. I maybe have time to write a sentence before tending to their… Read more: Welcome!
