When becoming a parent, you should’ve known that your role was synonymous with poop. If you didn’t, let this be your shitty wake-up call!
If you’ve read one of my previous posts in this category, you already know…
I have some shitty kids.
I don’t mean their temperament. I mean it literally. Shit.
While my son and daughter both have quite crappy stories related to their bowel movements, they both seem to center around my husband and me. Their shit doesn’t usually spread.
Until my pioneer of a daughter came along—she won’t leave any new shit stone unturned. My husband’s family lives out of state, and we often visit them during breaks from school or the summer (I’m a teacher).
Last summer was the first summer we had two in my mother-in-law’s house. And Rio was really barely an infant. It was ROUGH. I was just in survival mode every day, and my fabulous mother-in-law did everything she could to help. She would help most in the mornings, trying to get them up and ready for the day. Dressed. Rio bottle-fed, and Aria fed breakfast. The basics. Such a huge help. It also gave me the sweet solace of an extra 20 minutes in bed (…it takes a village…and I have a damn good one).
Aria, being the curious little nugget she is, had learned to find all the nooks and crannies of her pajamas. She loved sticking her hands in the hole for her head and stretching them out. She loved to learn how to unzip the pajamas—to the point where we had to put onesies over them to prevent more poop-horrific moments.
One morning, I came downstairs after Anna, my mother-in-law, had gotten Aria up and ready for the day.
“We had an interesting morning,” Anna starts to tell me. Aria grinning ear to ear, excited to see me. My mother-in-law then briefs me on that morning. She said she kept repeating her name when she went into her room that morning after she had called out, making sure we ALL knew she was awake.
“Yiayia! Yiayia! Yiayia!” she called out with her hand outstretched. Anna didn’t think anything of it, so she opened her hand to receive whatever it was Aria was trying to give her.
It was a lump…of shit. A literal small poop ball she had dug out of her diaper.
Apparently, her shit was so magical, she had to share. Sorry, Anna. She shares her shit out of love.
Or so I tell myself.
Welcome to REAL parenthood: your parenting shitty wake-up call
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